But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
