Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
