pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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