Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
