did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
My pussy is not your playground.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
