I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
There r osticjed everywhere
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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