i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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