I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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