I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
