i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
My cat gives me a boner
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
