hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
