You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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