I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Randomize
