I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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