I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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