You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
so much tequila, so little girl.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
