Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
