so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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