I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Oh god it's open bar.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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