Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize