I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
