you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
