So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
