i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
