haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
why do cheetos always look like penises
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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