So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
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