On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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