Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
we're making bets on your personal life
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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