I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize