Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize