I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
