physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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