Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
