$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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