i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
