So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
