Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
