in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
