I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
