Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Randomize
