Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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