what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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