Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
