I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
