He uses pillows to masturbate.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
