Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
