What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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