I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Randomize
