One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
