You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
