Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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