Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
