You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
this just has baby written all over it
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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