We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
