I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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