Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize