Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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