I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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