Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
