i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
