The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
