I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
