He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
