Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
