she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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