dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Even my vagina gasped.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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