i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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