UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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