We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize