WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
