HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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