True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
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