I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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