I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
