Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
