is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
