my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
