the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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